This week I moved from Salt Lake City to Millcreek and it really hit me hard.
I was totally fine with moving until I had completely cleaned out my old room and took a look at it all. The empty room took me back to when I first saw it about a year ago...
A year ago I had moved from the dorms early because I was having roommate struggles and just an overall hard time. I was thinking about changing my major, because I really didn't think I was smart enough or tough enough to handle all of the stress. I was hoping that moving into a huge house with seven girls would help me make more friends, something I desperately needed. I was just overall unhappy and confused about my life. I had no idea that the year ahead of me would change me so much.
After finishing spring semester I decided to take summer classes at SLCC because I heard the Organic Chemistry teacher was better and it was EXTREMELY cheaper... so why not?!
That summer I found my LOVE for chemistry again. My love for learning. I started working out and taking care of myself. Instead of worrying about others around me I began to focus on myself. I set a schedule and I was finally happy being me... Something I really hadn't felt for a long time. I was finally okay with being alone and I learned to love myself and enjoy my own company.
Towards the end of the summer I met my current best friend, who came into my life just at the right time. We both were having the same struggles... balancing a hard major, work, and trying to have a social life. I remember crying to my mom talking about it because I had NEVER had someone that I just immediately felt comfortable with. I felt like I known them for years even though it was our first day actually hanging out.
During the summer I decided to continue my schooling at SLCC because I loved the small class sizes and I decided to add chemistry to my chemical engineering degree which required Organic Chemistry II.
But a few weeks into the semester I got the news that my mom was in the hopital and after three days in the ICU I held her hand as she passed.
I felt pain I didn't know was possible.
I couldn't sleep by myself or be by myself for months. I tried to stay ahead of classes but inevitably I failed my first class. I remember car rides to class where I'd let myself cry on the car ride there, but make myself get my shit together to go into class. I made myself even more busy to distract myself.
I didn't realize how much I relied on my mom. She was the one I would call when I had good or bad news. She was the one I'd tell boy stories to. She's the first person I think of whenever something good or bad happens and I'll always miss calling her and telling her about my day. She was my biggest cheerleader. My best friend. But the thing I miss the most really shocked me... I miss calling her for lunch and getting a big ass greasy cheeseburger and LOTS of fry sauce with her. She had a way of knowing just what to say... and it was hard to learn not to lean on her... because I really leaned on her for everything.
During this time I learned more about myself and the people around me... I saw the strongest person I know just completely break down and sob. I saw some people really step up when we needed them and some I was completely disappointed with. I found out who was really there for me and who was just a filler in my life. People I didn't even know well reached out and offered their help... which I was absolutely blown away by. Even the smallest Facebook comment went a long way. I was given great gifts to remember who my mom really was instead of thinking about the illness that took over her. One of the most thoughtful gifts was a small necklace with two hearts on it that I haven't taken off since I got it... It wasn't just gifts though... it was the overall support from the people around me and their willingness to help... something I could never repay them for.
And with help and time I got better. I could make it an entire car ride without crying. I didn't cry myself to sleep every night. I found ways to cope with the pain, the anger, the sadness, and confusion. Even the little things were a fight and still are at times... but it's getting better.
I grew from this extremely hard experience and I'm stronger because of it.
I retook the class I had failed and I'm able to stay ahead on my work now. I feel so passionate about my major and I really am happiest when I'm learning. I know that my hard work now is going to be worth it.
Although I still have those days... I really am happy again. I finally am starting to feel like myself and I am able to look forward to my future.
In the year I lived in that house I had done SO much. When I first walked into that empty room I had no idea how much my life would change and I think that is why when I looked at that empty room again yesterday I just broke down. I started to realize how fast time goes by. How much of a crazy roller coaster life is and how AMAZING life is. The person looking at that empty room yesterday wasn't the same person that looked at it a year ago... and I am proud of myself. I was able to make it through absolute hell. I kept fighting... I keep fighting... I WON'T let down because I know that everything will get better.
Sorry this turned out a lot more cheesy than I had pictured... but if there is one thing that I could tell you from what I learned this past year... is that you have to FIGHT for what you want and if you're unhappy with your life... CHANGE IT! Life is too short to be full of regrets. AND to cherish the people in your life because you really never think something like this could happen to you... until it does.
Anyway, I'm up way later than I should be... but I haven't written in awhile and I had to write about my little break down. This was something that was very personal to me, but I wanted to share because I think others can get something from it as well... or I at least hope they can.
I also hope you can read past the errors because my very tired, teary eyes aren't very good at proof reading.
But anyway... Goodnight💗
I was totally fine with moving until I had completely cleaned out my old room and took a look at it all. The empty room took me back to when I first saw it about a year ago...
A year ago I had moved from the dorms early because I was having roommate struggles and just an overall hard time. I was thinking about changing my major, because I really didn't think I was smart enough or tough enough to handle all of the stress. I was hoping that moving into a huge house with seven girls would help me make more friends, something I desperately needed. I was just overall unhappy and confused about my life. I had no idea that the year ahead of me would change me so much.
After finishing spring semester I decided to take summer classes at SLCC because I heard the Organic Chemistry teacher was better and it was EXTREMELY cheaper... so why not?!
That summer I found my LOVE for chemistry again. My love for learning. I started working out and taking care of myself. Instead of worrying about others around me I began to focus on myself. I set a schedule and I was finally happy being me... Something I really hadn't felt for a long time. I was finally okay with being alone and I learned to love myself and enjoy my own company.
Towards the end of the summer I met my current best friend, who came into my life just at the right time. We both were having the same struggles... balancing a hard major, work, and trying to have a social life. I remember crying to my mom talking about it because I had NEVER had someone that I just immediately felt comfortable with. I felt like I known them for years even though it was our first day actually hanging out.
During the summer I decided to continue my schooling at SLCC because I loved the small class sizes and I decided to add chemistry to my chemical engineering degree which required Organic Chemistry II.
But a few weeks into the semester I got the news that my mom was in the hopital and after three days in the ICU I held her hand as she passed.
I felt pain I didn't know was possible.
I couldn't sleep by myself or be by myself for months. I tried to stay ahead of classes but inevitably I failed my first class. I remember car rides to class where I'd let myself cry on the car ride there, but make myself get my shit together to go into class. I made myself even more busy to distract myself.
I didn't realize how much I relied on my mom. She was the one I would call when I had good or bad news. She was the one I'd tell boy stories to. She's the first person I think of whenever something good or bad happens and I'll always miss calling her and telling her about my day. She was my biggest cheerleader. My best friend. But the thing I miss the most really shocked me... I miss calling her for lunch and getting a big ass greasy cheeseburger and LOTS of fry sauce with her. She had a way of knowing just what to say... and it was hard to learn not to lean on her... because I really leaned on her for everything.
During this time I learned more about myself and the people around me... I saw the strongest person I know just completely break down and sob. I saw some people really step up when we needed them and some I was completely disappointed with. I found out who was really there for me and who was just a filler in my life. People I didn't even know well reached out and offered their help... which I was absolutely blown away by. Even the smallest Facebook comment went a long way. I was given great gifts to remember who my mom really was instead of thinking about the illness that took over her. One of the most thoughtful gifts was a small necklace with two hearts on it that I haven't taken off since I got it... It wasn't just gifts though... it was the overall support from the people around me and their willingness to help... something I could never repay them for.
And with help and time I got better. I could make it an entire car ride without crying. I didn't cry myself to sleep every night. I found ways to cope with the pain, the anger, the sadness, and confusion. Even the little things were a fight and still are at times... but it's getting better.
I grew from this extremely hard experience and I'm stronger because of it.
I retook the class I had failed and I'm able to stay ahead on my work now. I feel so passionate about my major and I really am happiest when I'm learning. I know that my hard work now is going to be worth it.
Although I still have those days... I really am happy again. I finally am starting to feel like myself and I am able to look forward to my future.
In the year I lived in that house I had done SO much. When I first walked into that empty room I had no idea how much my life would change and I think that is why when I looked at that empty room again yesterday I just broke down. I started to realize how fast time goes by. How much of a crazy roller coaster life is and how AMAZING life is. The person looking at that empty room yesterday wasn't the same person that looked at it a year ago... and I am proud of myself. I was able to make it through absolute hell. I kept fighting... I keep fighting... I WON'T let down because I know that everything will get better.
Sorry this turned out a lot more cheesy than I had pictured... but if there is one thing that I could tell you from what I learned this past year... is that you have to FIGHT for what you want and if you're unhappy with your life... CHANGE IT! Life is too short to be full of regrets. AND to cherish the people in your life because you really never think something like this could happen to you... until it does.
Anyway, I'm up way later than I should be... but I haven't written in awhile and I had to write about my little break down. This was something that was very personal to me, but I wanted to share because I think others can get something from it as well... or I at least hope they can.
I also hope you can read past the errors because my very tired, teary eyes aren't very good at proof reading.
But anyway... Goodnight💗
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